Imagine being thrown into a pit. You’re the only one there and it’s a cold, dark place. There are people above. Surrounding the pit and looking down at you. You’ll find that some people will sympathise with you. Some of them will blame you for falling into that pit even though you had nothing to do with it in the first place. Some people will talk about how they once fell into that pit and made it out just fine. Others will tell you to stay strong and not lose hope because you’ll get out of there eventually. Does any of this really help you to get out of the pit yourself? Not really.

When someone hits rock bottom, our first instinct is to tell them that they won’t be in this place forever. That everything will get better and that they should try and look at the world in a more positive way. That every experience in life is a lesson that contributes towards developing more strength in life. All of these statements are more or less true. But in that moment, they’re bullshit (excuse my language). And the people who’ve been in that pit know just how right I am.

When someone is engulfed in darkness, try not to show them why they shouldn’t be engulfed in darkness. It really does not help. It might even make things worse. Rather, sit with the person in the darkness and just keep them company. It might sound stupid or insignificant, but you have no idea how much it can change things for them. You can’t make someone feel better by saying that they will eventually feel better. But you can sit with them in the dark and keep them company. You can bring your light to them until they find their own. Because they can’t stop feeling what they’re feeling but if you’re with them, at least they don’t have to feel it alone. That’s the best you can do and the best they can feel in that very moment.

Now, before everyone starts hating on me, I’m not saying that people who share positive thoughts and try to uplift you by saying “things will get better” are wrong. Of course they aren’t wrong because things always do get better. But think of it like this: Most kids don’t like eating their veggies. When you try to force feed them, they throw a tantrum and their behaviour becomes worse and it really doesn’t help anyone, and guess what, those veggies that are good for them are still out there. The kid isn’t exactly getting the proper nutrition that they should. Similarly, for people in the pit, we need to infuse some positivity and strength into them because that is good for them. But they won’t take it directly because it’s genuinely hard. I don’t blame them. We improvise. Parents mix veggies into their burger patties or into whatever the kid likes and voilà, the kid has eaten their veggies. Nutrition has entered their body. Similarly, you infuse positivity and strength into your warmth that you will bring with you for the person in the pit. That warmth is simply being there for them. Just be there. No amount of words will match the impact of what simply being there has on someone. You know the saying: Actions speak louder than words. Yeah, they really do. Although, it won’t hurt you to say some nice things occasionally.

Now, I could have explained this in a paragraph, but I didn’t. Because I like to talk in detail and I really like to write it all out. And if you’re reading this, you’ve read the whole thing too! Which means it was interesting, so I will not be taking any complaints. That’s it from me, for now. Shocking, I’m sure. Because when does this girl ever stop talking? Count yourselves lucky. Until the next post obviously.